I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You need Xanax blowdarts
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
