So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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