i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
