Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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