i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
