my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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