You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
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