Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
