don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
