i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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