Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
