hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
