im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
