I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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