we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize