I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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