Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just found puke in my bra..
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
