Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
People in love make me want to vomit
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
