so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
