is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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