I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize