if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
