youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
