I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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