if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
