She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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