Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
