I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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