Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
