Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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