She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
