Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
