I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
