Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
