How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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