Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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