He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
