I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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