Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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