..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
