why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
