Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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