Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
