I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
