apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
