I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
