I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I forget how to act sober
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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