i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
