did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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