i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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