nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
