his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
