I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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