i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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