Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
