Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
