Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
