Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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