I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
