i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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