i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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