I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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