CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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