I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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