Whatcha textin bout Willis?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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