I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
