I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
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