Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
